you know you are a nurse

* got this email from Yean, funny:>*

Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell? It
took her two weeks to realize she wasn't at work!

You may be a nurse if.....

-You believe that every patient needs TLC... Temazepam, Lorazepam and
Chlorpromazine.

-You would like to meet the inventor of the nurse buzzer system some night
in a dark alley.

-You believe not all patients are annoying, some are unconscious.

-Your sense of humor gets more warped each year.

-Your kids get their presents in TED stockings and NHS pillowcases. And
their presents are wrapped with Micropore tape.

-You know the phone number of every late night food delivery place by
heart.

-Almost everything can seem funny .. eventually.

-When asked by the doctor what color that patient's diarrhoea was, you show
them your shoes.

-If they missed your shoes, you use the well-known "poo curry colour
scale" ranging from chicken korma to spinach vindaloo.

-You can identify different causes of diarrhoea by the smell of it.

-Every time you walk you make a jingling noise because of all the keys,
scissors and clamps in your pocket.

-You can tell the pharmacist more about the medication they are dispensing
than they know.

-You use bladder lavage bags to drip water onto your plants when you're on
holiday.

-You refuse to watch Casualty because its too much like the real thing and
it triggers flashbacks or...

-Your family refuse to let you watch Casualty because you spend the whole
time correcting everyone and
pointing out upside down X-rays.

- You avoid answering the phone on your day off to in case anyone from
the hospital is trying to call and beg you to work.

-You've been telling stories in a restaurant and made someone at another
table throw up.

-You notice that you are using even more 4 letter words than you did before
you started nursing.

-You've seriously considered catheterising your children before a long car
journey.

-Every time someone asks you for a pen you can find at least 4 of them on
you. Most of them have the names of laxatives
on them.

-You don't get excited about blood; unless it's your own.

-You live by the motto "to be right is only half the battle, to convince the
doctor is more difficult"

-You've basted your Christmas turkey with a 50ml syringe.

-You've told a confused patient that your name was that of your co-worker
and to shout if they need help.

-Eating crisps out of a clean sick-bowl is perfectly normal.

-Your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago's water tank.

-When checking the level of a patient's orientation you aren't sure of the
day yourself. Or if nightshift, the month.

- You find yourself checking out other customers' veins in supermarket
queues.

-You can sleep soundly at the hospital cafeteria table on your dinner break
and are not be embarrassed when you wake up

-You avoid unhealthy looking people in the shopping centre for fear that
they will drop near you and you'll have to do CPR on your day off.

-You throw a farewell buffet for a co-worker and use a bed sheet for a
tablecloth and bedpans to hold the nachos.
You often stay awake for 24+ hrs at a time when you work nights and
realise you don't need alcohol or drugs to hullucinate just lack of
sleep...

-You pull over in a ayby after working nights because you are too tired to
drive home and wake up to someone knocking
on your window thinking you've had a stroke because you're passed out in
your car drooling.

- Your finger has gone into places you never thought possible.

-You've seen more penises than any prostitute.

-You've sworn to have "Do Not Resuscitate" tattooed on your chest. Soon.
If you are not a nurse and have been sent this by a friend who is, it's
just to help you understand our mindset and questionable mental state!